Much like the _TV Carnage_ bootlegs that first tread this ground, the _Everything is Terrible_ movie is a chaotic, sugar-fueled celebration of bad television. Drawing from the bottomless pits of late 20th-century talk shows, paid programs, made-for-TV movies and evangelical holy hours, this twisted compilation weaves sound bytes and sales pitches into a tangled running narrative that almost defies description. It’s like machine-gunning your brain with a haywire remote control, flipping channels with such speed and precision that you’ll feel the urge to drop off the couch and convulse like a _Pokemon_-induced seizure youth. As something of a seasoned veteran, I know these frenetic, over-the-top VHS clip shows usually burn bright and fast. I laughed uproariously for thirty minutes, but this feature runs for nearly twice as long. While its topics may vary, a freak show panorama of everything from hair plugs to eternal salvation, _Everything is Terrible_ does little to shake its format, and that’s far too long to ride the same rail without a break. So much schlocky nonsense, so fast, is just too much of a good thing. This one will swiftly hammer you into a vegetative state, a mode of numbed semi-consciousness where not even a silicon set of gargantuan gazoongas can elicit much reaction.