I can’t raise my hand. I’m allergic to effort.

Magazines are sooo heavy. Especially the ones with pictures of fat people.

Can’t sleep? Count sheepskin boots.

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house… I was shuffling around chain smoking and trying on different shoes.

War – what is it good for? Cute uniforms.

She’s a rock star of David.

It’s freezing cold under all these layers.

Sing along! Actually no, just find my phone.

Start the morning with a gallon of joe.

It’s always the bodyguard you least suspect.

I fought the law and the law was a jerk face.

Is this the duckface of a criminal?

Mary-Kate deals with life in the slammer.

Mary-Kate loves shiny appliances! And by that she means sweaty laborers.

Mary-Kate and Bodyguard may have effed up and effed.

Butler stays abreast of Maggie Smith’s love life.

Mary-Kate goes to sleep to the soothing sounds of a yelling professor.

Mary-Kate sabotages Professor in front of the school board.

First one to fall asleep gets a hand in warm Pellegrino.

Take once per day with a picture of food.

Mary-Kate’s cat meows out against drugs.

Mary-Kate challenges Bodyguard to some 1am Pictionary.

When Maggie Smith’s teacup goes handle-less, everyone’s a suspect.

Mary-Kate gets lost indoors and has to crack out her survival skills.