Gerard Horan

Ned Watkins

Tim Plester

Eddie the Slaughterman

Trevor Peacock

Mr Martin

Brenda Cowling

Mrs Martin

Darren Boyd

PC 'Dusty' Springfield

Emma Pierson

Jenny West

Chris Langham

Jack

Alexei Sayle

Newspaper Editor

John Sessions

Rival Newspaper Editor

Dermot Murnaghan

Himself