I did not laugh one single time during this movie.

Telling that almost all of the bad reviews of this are written by men. Why is every movie about strong women, doing the things and have the cringy dialogue every mission impossible movie has, suddenly a ‘feminist’ movie? Is it a great movie? No, probably not. But it’s fun and if we can all admit that it’s just as decent as a lot of action movies with a male protagonist it will save everyone a lot of time and energy.

_Charlie's Angels_ (2019) is everything I expected it to be, and that’s unfortunate. I can't think of a single thing I liked about this. It felt more like 119 minutes commercial to promote the new _Charlie’s Angels_ song by Ariana Grande. This movie is yet another victim of American “wokeness”. Hollywood thinks that filling a main cast with women, having a female director and saying _"girl power"_ enough times is all you need to create an empowering movie. Some women might like that but I’m not one of them. Everything about this movie was hyper-generic: * the plot / villain - the whole Calisto shenanigans is outdated and tired - oh no, a bad guy has stolen dangerous tech and is going to sell it to another bad guy; * The dialogue is dreadful. I think the screenplay was entirely constructed of viral woke tweets; * the action scenes were pretty average, copy paste from other movies. It was weird to see all these skinny women with spaghetti arms to beat all the big men. The three leads have absolutely no chemistry or star power. The characters were not likable and lacked personality. I just didn’t see where they had enough of a developed relationship. The Angels seemed dysfunctional, like mediocre spies who had no idea what they were doing. Kristen Stewart looks so damn awkward in all movies she's in. And the comedy (if you can call it that) just fell flat. _Charlie's Angels (2019)_ follows the _‘focus more on the politics not the plot movie’_ rule, so it has one reason to exist - to empower women. But that’s the most frustrating part - it paints gender politics so simply: women = strong, men = bad. I mean, they even had a German security guard to harass one of the main characters because she looked hot on the security camera, I’m hard pressed to believe German men act like that at work. I thought we are past having characters saying stuff like _"Women can do anything"_ as though it's some kind of revolutionary statement. Why don't instead of writing these dumb pseudo-empowering one liners, write engaging and realistic character arcs for women? Also, I hate movies that feel like they are punching you in the face over and over to get their point across. One more thing I extremely dislike - they visit like 15 different countries in the film. But you barely notice because everywhere people speak ... English. Yes, even German security employees communicate with each other in English. It happens a lot when Hollywood makes movies in foreign countries.

This is so awful it's embarrassing. Banks has written a script so bad not even Patrick Stewart can deliver his lines convincingly. Either the costume designer for this had a stroke or Banks simply raided her wardrobe from The Hunger Games franchise and the score is so insufferably dreadful the musical director should be beaten to death with his/her own limbs. The whole thing is so juvenile I really think they missed the mark rating in at PG13 as that excludes most of the target audience.

Women deserve better films than this, don't give them this. We're not helping women, whatever the hell that means, by giving them the most basic, bare bones, modern, disgusting trite nonsense this is. There's an eyerolling "girl power" montage right before the main titles appear. For no reason. It's not a commercial on television, it's not an advertisement, it's just a random clip show of girls doing stuff. It's just gross. There's no point to it other than flaunt, "Aren't I doing the female sex a positive by saying how good it is to have a vagina?!" All of the male characters are very comically sexist, white, and troublesome, outside of Patrick Stewart of course. The action is tired, a lot of it borrowed from stuff like _Now You See Me_ and _Mission Impossible_, except much more obnoxious, thanks to Banks needlessly making all of our three new leads as insufferable as possible. Stewart especially I've never hated this much, not even back in the Twilight days. None of her jokes make any sense, she babbles every line, and she does it every time she opens her mouth. I was able to endure fifty minutes or so before realizing I didn't even know any of their names or what was going on because the film's priorities lie in all the wrong places, establishing the organization and the villain rather than our leads. There's even a humorous piece during the first major car chase where one of them asks, "Who is that? Why is he shooting at us?" And I was like, "I'm asking the same thing!" The first line in the film is, "I think women can do anything." Is this really a debate we're still trying to have and the media trying to push on to the general American public? Women in the west are the most freed and supported than at any other point in human history. How fucking ironic that this film that wants to act as a female power move is funded in part by China, a place that has internment camps for Muslims; they show happy Muslims in the film in that opening montage. Hey Banks, why don't you use some of your money you had to make this movie and go help out those people instead of sucking more Hollywood dick to get to make the Invisible Woman film you're now directing? I guess virtue signalling is more important. I only get heated about this because how hypocritical the people who are making this film are being. Glad this shit bombed.