The WWF "St. Valentine's Day Massacre: In Your House" pay-per-view starts off with one of the lamest matches yet in WWE history: a weird (but thankfully very short) match between "Golddust" vs "Bluedust", aka "The Blue Meanie" from ECW. There wasn't much to this one...fortunately. It was bad enough the short time it lasted. Unfortunately, Jim Ross is _still_ missing from the analyst's table so we're still stuck with Jerry Lawler and Michael Cole doing ringside commentary. Not sure where JR is, but let's hope he returns soon. Next up is a "Hardcore Championship" match between Al Snow & Head vs Bob "Hardcore" Holly. Since it was a "hardcore" match, there were no DQs, no countouts, and falls counted anywhere...this meant that the match was guaranteed to leave not only the ring itself but the entire arena, where both wrestlers eventually ended up at (and in) the Mississippi River. The match itself wasn't that interesting due to the lack of wrestling moves (it was mostly just chasing each other, throwing items at each other, then rolling around on the ground on the banks of the Mississippi. I like the "Al Snow & Head" character, and Allen Sarven is a great performer even in the ring; sadly, I've never been much of a fan of Bob Holly or any of his characters, so I was glad when this one ended. Following this was a match featuring "The Corporation" (Vince McMahon's so-called bunch of loyalists) vs "The Ministry of Darkness" (The Undertaker's band of followers), with "Big Boss Man" facing off against "Mideon". This match was bad enough that those rare creatures - the boobirds - actually came out of hiding and started calling. Now we have a tag-team match between "Sexual Chocolate" Mark Henry & D'Lo Brown (with "Ivory") squaring off against Owen Hart and his partner Jeff Jarrett. Of course, the match involves threats from both "Debra" and "Ivory" threatening to _"rip the clothes off"_ each other if either gets involved in the match in any way...so you KNOW what's going to happen. Let's face it: fans aren't interested in this match; they want to see the women rip the clothes off each other. The match goes pretty much the way you would expect... Next up is a match between Val Venis vs Ken Shamrock for the Intercontinental title, with special referee "Billy Gunn" (of the New Age Outlaws). This one doesn't interest me because (1) I don't care for either wrestler but more importantly (2) I'm not a fan of the _"Val is banging my sister"_ storyline. It's just cheap and not entertaining. I know this is the "Attitude Era" of the WWF which eventually segues into the "Rated R Era" but...meh, I'm probably just a prude. Interested in seeing how this particular match turns out but I'm not a fan of the storyline...and you KNOW that Billy Gunn is going to inject himself into the match at some point. Moving on, we come to a match between "The Corporation", (Chyna & Kane) vs "DeGeneration X" (Triple H and XPunk.... thank you, Shane McMahon, for that awesome nickname). That little swamp rat (Sean Waltman) is about as exciting as a roll of wet toilet paper. First time in WWF history that a woman is directly competing against male opponents and - like her or hate her - you have to give major props to Joan Laurer (Chyna) for being able to take bumps like she does. There aren't a lot of females who could get in the ring with their male counterparts and be able to take these, but she does. (Shades of "Sensational" Sherri Martel who was also able to take some brutal bumps during her time.) Next on the menu: the "Last Man Standing" match between "The Rock" and "Mankind". It was an okay match but to be honest with you, that "I Quit" match at the Royal Rumble would be a nearly-impossible act to follow. Additionally, the ending of the match had the fans chanting "BS" so that should tell you how this one ended. The match was "okay" at best but the conclusion just drained any little entertainment value it might have had. What a lousy ending. Finally the "Main Event" which is the steel cage match between Vince McMahon vs "Stone Cold" Steve Austin. Say what you will about Vince McMahon, for a self-made billionaire, he was not afraid to get down and dirty like his wrestlers and he could definitely take bumps. He put on a great show here. The "fall" from the steel cage into the announcers' table was classic; this was exactly what everyone wanted to see and again, you have to give McMahon credit for giving the paying fans exactly what they were hoping to see. At the same time, though, you have to also give "Stone Cold" credit: he played this for all he could get out of it and also gave the fans everything - and more - they were hoping to get. Sitting here laughing myself to tears watching this because it is so absolutely brilliant. THIS is "sports entertainment" at it absolute best. And what a perfect ending! What. A. Perfect. Ending.