The program just started and already I'm sick of hearing about Michael Hickenbottom. No idea how this is card is going to play out but I can assure you, I'm tired of hearing the slobbering and fawning about the WWF Heavyweight Suckup Champion. If we're brutally honest - and if all the stories told years later by the other WWE wrestlers are true - Hickenbottom essentially "boy-toy'd" himself to Vince McMahon in return for all those years of being WWF "champion". Sure, I know it's all scripted (most of it, anyway) but it's common knowledge that Hickenbottom was strongly disliked, and for good reason. Now, on to the card... Opening match between a "Golddust" character who has suddenly become a fan-favorite vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley, all because Helmsley made a pass at "Marlena" (the real-life wife of Dustin Runnels, who played the "Golddust" character). Certainly not an uninteresting match but it failed to resolve any ongoing issues, so that feud will continue. Move along to the match between Ahmed Johnson vs Ron "Farooq" Simmons and his "Nation of Domination"; this was another stiff match (I enjoyed Ron Simmons during his time in the old NWA/WCW but this character was just ridiculous and hard to take.) between two hulking-but-boring wrestlers, with a little twist thrown in just to keep it interesting. (It didn't help a whole lot.) Next up was the match between The Undertaker vs "Vader". (Why someone would want a character named after a _Star Wars_ villain is beyond me.) The match was as boring as you would expect it to be (anything with that tub-of-lard Leon White is going to be a yawn-fest) but I'll give the WWE writers credit: they at least added an interesting twist to make the story interesting. As with the other matches, though, that's the best that can be said for this match. Following this was what I consider a "have-to" match: a six-man tag-team match between a couple of teams that must have been added as a "have-to" clause by the city of San Antonio: never heard of either of these tag-teams or the team members, and it just seemed odd and out-of-place for them to show up on this card. Following this was the Royal Rumble itself: the 30-man free-for-all which has turned into one of my favorites. Sadly - with the exception of "Stone Cold" Steve Austin and his extended stay in the Rumble - this has to rank as one of the worst ever, at least when it comes to the quality of participants. Too many that were just absolutely boring as dirt, or didn't seem to belong...not to mention that there were **very few** "eliminations" that were sudden, shocking, or even exciting. (You know those "out of nowhere" clotheslines that catapult the favorites over the top rope, etc...and leave you thinking, _"Wow, I didn't see THAT coming!"_ ) The conclusion of the Rumble, however, was worth sitting through the entire thing. That was definitely a _"Wow, I didn't see THAT coming!"_ moment. LOL Sadly, however, the card ended just as you knew it was going to...especially with it being in Michael Hickenbottom's supposed "home town". After his usual preening and strutting, the card mercifully ended.