The Survivor Series has never been my favorite WWE pay-per-view and this one doesn't change anything. It starts off with a "tag" match (of course; this IS _Survivor Series_ after all, right?) featuring "The Godfather" (and his "ho's", of course); he is joined by D'Lo Brown, who comes out looking like The Godfather, I suppose in some effort to appeal to "the ho's". The two of them are joined next by "The Headbangers" (Mosh and Thrasher) who come out also looking _something_ like The Godfather, only sporting ridiculous afro wigs. While I'm not really a fan of any of these participants, I have to admit, this was a hilarious beginning to this PPV. Even I was laughing out loud when they showed up in those ridiculous costumes. They're facing off against "The Acolytes" who are teamed up with "The Dudley Boyz" ("Bubba Ray" and "Devon") and of course, when it comes to The Acolytes, you pretty much know how it's going to end...and you would not be wrong. Following this entertaining match was the WWF pay-per-view debut of "Kurt Angle", the Olympic gold-medal champion, who would go on to become a huge name in the WWF/WWE. Of course, here, he's essentially an unknown, trying to generate some "heat" (it doesn't really work because people don't know who he is or what he's supposed to portray). It winds up being a so-so match against "Shawn Stasiak", not really anything to get excited about. Following this is a vignette/backstory leading up to what is going on for tonight's Main Event, then we have another tag match; this one features "Val Venis", who is (not surprisingly) paired with "Sexual Chocolate" (Mark Henry). They are joined by Gangrel, and then Steve Blackman (I'm surprised he's still around, honestly.) to face off against "The British Bulldog" (Davey Smith) who is joined by his "Mean Street Posse"...a bunch of supposed "street thugs" from England, wearing hoity-toity clothing. Probably the best line of the entire event is when Jim Ross, poking fun at "Rodney's" haircut, says _"Looks like he went to a barber college and got in line for the guys who were making bad grades!"_ LOL The match itself was also somewhat mundane although the ending was not what I (personally) was expecting. Next up, the _"satisfy their porn craving"_ match...and that's all it is: "Tori" - in low-cut top that leaves little to the imagination - joins up with "The Fabulous Moolah" and "Mae Young". They're joined by "Debra"...at which point Jerry Lawler (who, sadly, has once again joined Jim Ross on the mic) begins his inane driveling and drooling over the womens' boobs. (I mean, that's all it is; he idiotically refers to their breasts as "puppies" - I guess because he can't say "breasts" or "boobs" or "titties" on public airwaves, but still, it's just idiotic and not at all funny or amusing.) Give credit to Jim Ross, who - when Lawler screams, _"Look at 'em, JR! Look at those puppies!"_ - replies calmly, _"Yeah, they're in the same place they were the last time I saw them."_ LOL In any event, these four females are squaring off in a "Sudden Death" match against the team of "Jacqueline" and "Luna" (Luna Vachon), Terri Runnels (real-life wife of Dustin Rhodes, who used to portray the "Golddust" character), and the "Womens' WWE Champion" Ivory. As in almost every "women's" match, this one is (1) completely lacking in realism or athleticism (you can't blame Mae Young or Moolah, both of whom are in their 70's at this point) and (2) basically nothing more than an attempt to show some hot female skin to a hormonal male audience. When the pinfall happens, they make sure to "rip off" Terri Runnels top, exposing her bra...and that's basically what the audience had been horn-dogging for. Now we have that shriveled little idiot "X-Punk" shooting his mouth off about how he's going to take care of "Kane". I'm assuming this is where they (the WWE) turns X-Pac into a heel character. Fortunately it was short-lived. (Seriously, how could they expect to take a young waif like X-Punk - all 120 lbs of him - and expect to seriously make a believable contender against the 7' 320-lb. "Kane"? It was ridiculous, and it showed.) Next we have an even shorter match featuring "The Big Show" (Paul Wight), who has refused to have tag-team partners, and instead **singlehandedly** takes on the team of "Big Boss Man", "Viscera", "Mideon" and "Prince Albert". Following this brief matchup, we have an awful (and by "awful", I mean just incredibly lame (and not believable at all) vignette where "Stone Cold" Steve Austin gets "run over" by a car and is hospitalized. This was so completely awful it was hard to watch. But it plays an important part in the entire card, so yeah, you have to sit through it. Next was an even WORSE match featuring Chris Jericho squaring off against "Chyna" (Joan Laurer) for the Intercontinental championship. Wow, this was just really bad... I suppose I could "feel sorry" for "Chris Jericho" (Chris Irvine) for this match (talk about awkward) but, I mean, he _did_ have a choice in the matter, and he chose instead to "wrestle" against a female opponent. There was nothing good about this stinker, though. Follow this with another "Survivor Series"-type match where "The Hollies" (Hardcore and Crash) are teamed up with "2 Cool" to face off against "Edge and Christian" who are paired up with "The Hardy Boyz" (Matt and Jeff Hardy). Again, there was nothing titillating or entertaining about this match; it just seemed like another way to kill 20-30 minutes, and it ended very non-dramatically. Next up, a "title" match for the tag-team championship featuring the current belt-holders, "The Road Dogg" and "Billy Gunn", squaring off against "Mankind" and his partner, "Al Snow & Head". Another uninteresting match that ends as you would expect. Finally we come to the Main Event, and with Steve Austin having been "run over by a car" earlier in the show, this one takes the very turn you were probably expecting all along: since Austin can't wrestle in the "Triple Threat Match" for the belt, Shane McMahon makes a last-minute substitution, and you guessed it: the third combatant in the Triple-Threat Match turns out to be a still-very-angry "Big Show". The main event was at least entertaining. This wasn't the worst PPV the WWE has put out (at least, not so far) but it ranks up there with some of the bad ones. Unless you are, like I am, just hell-bent on watching every WWE pay-per-view event that you missed over the past 40 years, you would do well to give this one a hard pass. Nothing happened, and no real story-lines were drawn that can't be easily caught up with on a future (and hopefully better) card.