What a letdown. There are some good stuff in here. Creepy atmosphere, lots of weirdness, decent make-up effects, but sadly the film really doesn't grab me in any way. The messy direction makes this film a drag to sit through. Things unfold very slowly. The terrible dubbing, headache-inducing editing, and aggressively distracting score make it so much worse. Add to that a female lead that's completely helpless and useless. The third act is quite entertaining but the constant screaming ruins it.

"Doughnuts?!" When I watch a low-budget horror movie, I know what I'm getting myself into; I expect the acting to be bad - and it's really bad here - but usually the other components make up for that... yeah, not here. I think the entire budget went into buying fog machines. The score is atrocious. Someone needed to tell the composer that slamming on the keyboard, and using the modulation/pitch wheel to excess does not equal scary. Surprisingly, the dialog isn't all that bad. Just kidding, it's horrible. However, there were some unintentionally-funny lines. The Child is supposed to be about a little girl with telekinetic powers, who can control zombies. Nice, do we get to see her do that? Nope. She uses her "powers" to open the lid on a bottle, and to slowly rotate a jack-o'-lantern. Are you not entertained?! The zombie kills are few, and I never got the sense that they were doing discount Carrie's bidding. Anyway, worthless Tina Shepard is part of the Norton family, consisting of her... brother, I think... and her grandfather. They hire a nanny to watch her, for reasons. There's a dinner scene where the Nortons are made to look like maniacs - think Texas Chainsaw Massacre, only stupid - but the movie never pays it off - it's like it never happened. It's also suggested that her family killed her mother, but it's never confirmed or denied. That's the biggest problem with this movie: there's no coherent story, it's just 82 minutes of ideas. The movie really doesn't do anything until the third act, and even then, it's still terrible - think if someone gave Lucio Fulci $10 to make a zombie movie. The acting was already bad so far, but our nanny does nothing aside from holding the side of her head while screaming throughout the entire third act - yes, seriously. The only reason I watched this train wreck is because it has dialog sampled by Rob Zombie - if you want to hear it, just watch the trailer. _The Child_ really pushes the limits of what an awful film can be. I'd almost be impressed, but this is honestly not worth watching for any reason. "Doughnuts?!"