>Priest: Kaspar, you're weird. You're weird but I like you. I am Priest, and that is my review. Normally I begin my reviews with a metaphor, however, I just can't think of anything that starts out awkward and painful but as it penetrates you, it opens you up and blows your assumptions, until its presence fills you and pleases you exquisitely. Nope, I'm coming up dry. Anyway, this sensation is what _The Legend of Kaspar Hauser_ did to me. But fuck... At the outset, the surrealist _The Legend of Kaspar Hauser / La leggenda di Kaspar Hauser_ (Italian 2012) is like looking at pictures in a techno music art gallery, and you're the only one who realizes they're all hung upside-down. Mostly a series of quirky tableaux vivants, the scenes lack sufficient dramatic tension to hold the viewer's interest. And yet... the story combines the life of Jesus with that of historical figure Kaspar Hauser (b. 1812? d. 17 December 1833, a German youth who claimed to have grown up in the total isolation of a darkened cell and was linked to the grand ducal House of Baden, with many saying his birth had been hidden as part of royal intrigue), which is interesting in and of itself. As these parallels become clearer in the film, the story develops interest. Even better, though, are the cast, especially the androgynous Silvia Calderoni (whose Italian Wiki page lists them as an 'actress' but then uses he / him pronouns for the rest of the entry) who plays the titular role. The model / actor is an eye magnet and plays the lead role with a perfect mix of innocent Jesus and exuberant free German cage boy. Also, playing Puttana / Whore (the film's equivalent of Mary Magdelene), is the amazing Elisa Sednaoui who is stellar like the sun so its difficult to look at her straight on. Her dancing scene at the end of the film pleased me even more than Mikkelsen's at the end of _Another Round_. So, if you're a fan of surrealism, techno or (God forbid) Vincent Gallo, man, have I got a trip for you.